A Good Week

So far, it's been a great week, with the exception of JM's car deciding to crap out on him. So plans for Feast of the Hunter's Moon were kinda canceled. Not his fault I'm sure. I'm sure all the extra highway miles coming up here from Indy kinda pressed the car's protest by breaking itself at an inconvenient time. I was looking forward to not only spending time with him, but with his daughter as well. They are a package deal that I am willing to accept and grow into. She looks adorable and I fully understand she is the biggest priority in his life. So a big part of me says I should take things much slower than this week has gone between us, because it might be a bit much on her too. New girlfriend suddenly coming around taking up dad's time might be perceived by the munchkin as an affront to her time with dad. I don't want to do that. Kids, I'm told aren't an end to having fun, it's just a different kind of fun. That should be interesting. The Number One Rule about dating those with kids as best as I can tell is as such and something I truly need to keep in mind: It's a package deal, not a buffet. You don't get one or the other, you get both. The bond between them is greater than any thing you should have. Sounds good in the mind, I pray I keep that straight if things progress beyond the cutesy time together. Alas, I'm not quite sure what to think as he hasn't answered his phone much of the weekend. Either due to working on the car or perhaps he's spending every moment with the munchkin. I'm not precisely sure which it is, but it bothers me a bit to not know which it is. I'm so much into the idea that honesty at all times would be nice. So if JM is feeling crowded after this week, which I see as one of the most wonderful times this year, then he's gotta tell me. He's gotta tell me if there's something he wants that I haven't given. Or perhaps someone else he might be more closely interested in than me. I really haven't gotten the impression of the latter comment, but should that be the case, I'd like to know.

I've already severed a few ties in anticipation of things working out, because I want to leave no room for mistakes on my part for there to ever be an issue. So that means, Java Guy takes a hike. The Wolf doesn't get the time of day. Florida Guy is in the know that I've found someone who truly has my interest right now. Mr Recent gets a clue by four as to what it was he didn't do right at all. Etc etc etc.... My EX.... In the know now. We talked about the meaning of dating someone with kids. As in, his wisdom about the package deal has struck home in my mind. It's good that we can still talk and that he seems open to listening and advice when asked, sometimes not asked for, but advice nonetheless. And OH MY, my special friend.... He's called this week since he's moved to be closer to his sweetie. It was good to hear from him. All that uncomfortable squeamishness, it seems, has calmed down. He even congratulated me on the new boyfriend. So now, I pray, I hope, I'll try to hang on for dear life to this one (in a non-stalker way I must say) and see what time may bring for us/me. Of course, it's too early to say the words, "I LOVE YOU." It's more LUST than anything, but a frighteningly good chemistry that I feel has room to grow into something true and good.

So maybe I'm feeling impatient today. Antsy in a productive way since I've begun cleaning and have the intention of hitting the office to finish paperwork and get caught up. I just wish he would call, so I can hear that sweet deep voice and get all mooshy. I like the mooshy. Mooshy is a nice feeling since the cuddle meter this week has more than maxed in some areas. LOL Yeah, that cuddle meter's been running on E for months, but this week has more than made up for it. Oh well, back to cleaning here.... I need to keep myself busy.

~ A Happy Tammolly

...So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel...
I'm still an angel to a girl who hates to sin

Dateless No More

Turns out it's been a wonderful week here, despite being on call. Finding JM was like a godsend. So sweet, gentle, interesting, and he makes me laugh. We're always laughing. It's a great feeling. The question came up, "What do I call you?" New Boyfriend was his answer. YAY! He made me a chocolate amaretto cheese cake last night and sent me pictures of what he's bringing up Thursday. (drool) Been spoiled rotten this week, he came up ahead of schedule a few nights, very affectionate and cuddly, attentive, adorable, and comfortable. Doesn't mind romantic comedies and just watching a movie since I can't do much else this week while on call.(giddy sigh) I can't wait for tomorrow night so we can spend some more time together and sleep in, which will be nice. I'm terribly exhausted, but it's a neurotically good kind of exhaustion to say the least. I am hoping that happiness is here to stay for a while. =))

T~

...So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel...
I'm still an angel to a girl who hates to sin

Side Thoughts - Revisited

How is it that I go through the barren wastes of dateless times to having two or three interests at once coming at me? ARRG! So.... I'm thinking Mr Recent as referred to in the previous post is gonna be on the outs. Strange phone conversations consisting of the phrase, "What yah doin'?" repeated more than five times. Ummmmm? Huh? Weird.

Then there's the one I'll call Wolf, because that's a safe code name for dangerously interesting. Yet piques my interest with intrigue and general silliness. We're so sarcastically alike it's highly frightening at times. So two dates, number one being good, felt safe and cozy. Date two, movies on my couch, cuddled up and grab assing wrestle mania at some point. It's all good, I get a few kisses and hugs. Yeah, this is looking realistically possible! WRONG!!!!!!!

Two dates and suddenly he's all "busy" and distracted. Getting Wolf, whom I am thinking I should call Mr Busy, to talk is like, well, it's like pulling teeth. Random things that bother him come up from what I would regard as PTSD and then it's all something to not talk about except spur of the moment like. He's got two boys who look sweet. Yet, he seems somewhat obsessed with continuously needing to fidget or move about. I really don't know what to think. Perhaps I'm misreading things, maybe he really is busy and actually helping a friend do some PI work. Don't know.... Hard saying what's real and what's my paranoid way of thinking.

The other guy, he seems to be a decent fellow, I'll call him JM. Seems pretty open minded too. He even seems to have it together fairly well. He's got a little girl who looks cute. Depending how things go with Mr Busy, JM might be coming along with me to Feast of the Hunter's Moon next weekend. Yeah, might be a plan. Either way, we'll probably hang out Thursday next week and that'll be fun, even if we're just friends. Uh-huh.... Only time will tell how this dateless wasteland turned into a free-for-all. Decisions-decision. Hmmmmmm.......

T~


...So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel...
I'm still an angel to a girl who hates to sin

Another 9/11 And Side Thoughts

They call it Patriot's Day. I'm not sure I would call it that, perhaps the day we got sucker punched from being arrogant in believing we, as a country, would never be attacked in such a way. I tend to not agree with why we're in Iraq now, but support the troops who have to be there due to being in the military. I know I wouldn't purposely sign up for that job, but kudos to those who would and survive it.

Meanwhile, back at the bat cave, or is that the ranch? Anyhoo, meanwhile, going through the stupid pet tricks and dating hoops here. I think I have found some one, but the behavior of someone who says they're interested and thinks I'm neater than apple pie has been showing some rather strange behavior. Like never answering a phone call and not following through with dates and/or calling to cancel. I cannot say this is boding well for Mr Recent as a friend has referred to him. Mr Recent, being the most recent man I've managed to find an interest in, but continues to be elusive and strange. Not sure when I should throw in the towel on this one. Already been through enough without getting too much more invested in a not so healthy way me thinks. Oh well, time for me to get to bed. I will likely touch on this blog again sometime in the future.

T~

...So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel...
I'm still an angel to a girl who hates to sin

It's Me Again

Yeah, it's me again. I'm back, and yah can't stop me! Buwahahahaha! Ok, so some good news of a sort for me. I no longer have MONO. Yes! No more mono, just a secondary viral pain in my ass since the mono wiped out my immune system's ability to fight off stuff like the common cold as effectively as I should be able to do on any given day. Frustrating, YES! End of the world, NO!

Thus begins the eve of my four day weekend and I have nothing much planned except some fishing and gun range time with dad. That should be fun provided this bug I have doesn't just kick my ass into sicky-poo mode again. Oh yeah, the added dilemma of finding out that once I get to dad's that gas shoots up in price over an additional dollar or two. UGH. That sucks. Another craps shoot again. yippy-skippy

Today, I ran into that certain person that I continue to have difficulty telling no. The same person who still seems to have the hots for me, but no clue as to who I really am or what I really want out of life these days. The one that has no real respect for me or his girlfriend by continuing to act the way he does. The same one that, although I told him a week or two ago that I had a mono relapse and probably shouldn't be in close contact with people until Christmas of 2006, but hopefully 2005, I'm trying to remain optimistic here. Back to long rant. --->>> The one who remains clueless as to just how close he is to getting his ass kicked based on principle alone, the Java Guy. Now, I fully admit, I am not a saint and cannot even begin to complain after some of the shit I've pulled over the years, but damnitall, I'm not just some piece of ass!

This week, I kinda met a guy who seems fairly decent and sweet . Haven't had much of a chance to start getting to know him very well, but I'm kinda hopeful I can begin a new chapter in my life. A chapter where I am not someone's secret, where I am not a commodity to check out whenever it's purely convenient for another, and well, just have someone who wants to be around me IN PUBLIC! Someone who actually wants to hear what I have to say and not pretend to put on a fake face with interest until another customer comes along to serve coffee and tea. So here's to me hoping this new guy is a genuine article rather than a hound dog looking to hump something.

Anyhoo, I decided to clean this apartment, or at least get the dishes done and hopefully keep the kitchen from looking like Hurricane Katrina hit it. Don't much care for messes, but I seem to have no problem making them around here. Wonder if that applies to the rest of my life too? Oh well, it's time to get back to work and do something productive before I decide to take a nap or something.

Tammolly

...So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel...
I'm still an angel to a girl who hates to sin